relationships

with every relationship, there is a definite beginning, and in 99% of relationships, an end. whether that end comes by death, or break up, or by just simple agreement, the truth remains the same. but as with all things there is an exception to this so called rule. i guess it comes with the definition of a relationship, which according to dictionary.com is "a connection, an association, or involvement." for me, connections, associations, and involvements seem to run every aspect of my life. but each of these relationships are temporay. even my relationships with my parents and my best friends will end one day. i guess my point in writing this is really just advice for myself; a little peace of mind. you see, i put so much faith in people. people who are fallen. people who decend from adam and eve. people who are selfish, and ruthless, and well, sinners. in fact, i believe i put most of my faith in people the majority of my time. its only when those people let me down, i truly find out who i belong with. God, while not always pleased with my decisions, is always there for me. the messed up thing is, while i was typing that, i almost put "when i need him". that makes my relationship with God look conditional. tonight i had this conversation with one of my best friends about being okay with letting someone you love go (and yes i do mean a girl). he said that looking out for yourself and being all about you and your relationship with Christ is the way to go. its less of a selfish thing and more of a guarding your heart thing. just becasue "i" thought myself and this individual were supposed to be together and just because i thought it was "God's will" for us to be, doesnt mean that is the case.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)


i look at those verses in proverbs and find that i lean too much on my own understanding. i think i know best and i often tell God, "hey Man, i got this. dont worry about it." and then find myself so far in over my head that i become more and more depressed. that sends me back to God. which sucks. i should desire him even when things are good. i am not here for me, but here for him. why can't i just stick to his plan instead of wandering off on my own and screwing myself over time and again by putting all of the faith that is rightfully His and putting it into girls or friends or my family. earthly, worldly things... i think thats why i have alot of my issues. i'm so focused on how i see the world i forget that God sees it so much better than i can. its like stairing at a stain glass picture. i see it from up close (like my nose is touching the glass close), with its jagged edges and ugly bubbles, but God sees it from across the room. He can see the full picture. His plan represents the true beauty of everything. He knows what He is doing. He's been at this since before time began and will be at the end of it and even after that. which i can't begin to comprehend. but, i know it to be true. that gives me comfort. with that, i'll leave you all with this...

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

i love you all...

S